he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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