I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
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