I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize