You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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