Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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