My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
