Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
