I'm lost and stupid without you.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
