first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
