And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
