Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize