I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize