btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize