i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
