Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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