what day is it and did you see me today?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
