He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
her facebook's as public as her vagina
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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