nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
