i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
