I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
