I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
