i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
