It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize