Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
