There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
