i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
