Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize