His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize