i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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