I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
