He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
