yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
