I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
