this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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