Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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