Duck Duck Cougar?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
