Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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