i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's not a walk of shame if you run
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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