Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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