While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's official drugs can't kill me
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
