it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
