i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
