I feel like I'm in dance class right now
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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