I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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