I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize