i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
