Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Randomize
