i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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