ugly people sure do ruin things
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
