party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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