I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
