So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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