It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
