hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
