so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
