I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
