do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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