I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
