Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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