Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
