oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
