He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize