I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
