On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
