When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
