Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
