Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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