OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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