you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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