so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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