Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
