So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
