At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My vagina just recognized that song.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize