he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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