hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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