saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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