yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My vagina is officially offended.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
