Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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