screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Still dying that you shit outside
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
