i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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