Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
