I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
