toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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