That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
