Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
