Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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