I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
we should paint friendship bongs
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
