he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize