I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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