Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
