So drunk its hurt
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
