What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
