I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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