i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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