I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
