My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
