im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sext me about skeletons
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize