the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
