So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
