There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
