I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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