I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
