HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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